By Haridev Kaur
Fear—we all know it. We live it (or have lived it) in one or more of its forms: stress, anxiety, digestive problems, etc.
I had my first White Tantric Yoga® experience in 2012. After that serene tantric experience and peaceful evening, and a kriya the next morning, I went to a Kundalini Yoga class taught by a dear friend. During the final meditation of the class, it hit me like a truck in one word—FEAR! I had so much of it and I got a glimpse of how much it was defining my life thanks to the technology of White Tantric Yoga®.
Over the next six months, I had lots of "fear adventures" where the full extent of my fear became clearer to me: I started teacher training, lost a job, and started to come to terms with the painful history of the women in my family. Through these challenges in my life, I had a newfound realization of how much fear I had, and how many parts of my life the fear radiated from.
I found myself very resistant to give up the fear, believing it somehow protected me. I had been working and fighting so hard in many elements of my life for so many years, thinking I could not get through otherwise. I had become an expert at generating fear within me to protect from expected disappointment and failure—often when it was not justified. My negative mind had gotten so incredibly strong, stomping out the impact of my positive and neutral minds.
It was at Summer Solstice this year that I really started to hand back that fear to the Universe and say, "I don't need you to protect me anymore." The fear was eating at me more than protecting me. I had to reject my inner fear to get to any sense of self-love. Prior to my self-love being realized within, I certainly could not share the boundless and multi-dimensional love I have for the world.
In the weeks since Summer Solstice, I have been exploring my relationship between peace and fear. If I am accepting peace and rejecting fear within myself, I am starting to understand what that means for me within, but what about outside? What environment do we each need to maximize peace, reject fear and project love?
I think of peace and fear on a continuum or spectrum:
More fear = less peace = less capacity for self-love,
Less fear = more peace = more capacity for self-love.
This is very much a black-and-white way to depict these concepts, but given my history of fear dominating my life, I have not often been comfortable with shades of gray. But as peace comes in, I am continuing to walk away from duality and feel (rather than think) of fear departing and peace surrounding me.
I realize what has great power in the Universe also has great subtlety. I continue to savor the opportunity to explore the subtleties of fear, peace and love in this life time.
Haridev Kaur: My Kundalini adventure got supercharged with the sacred sound current when I attended the first Sat Nam Fest in 2010 and I have been blessed to dance my way through life ever since. I am an IKYTA certified Kundalini Yoga teacher teaching at multiple locations in the DC metro area and connecting to yogis across the world through my online yoga experiences and video sessions. As a longtime community organizer and political activist, I love to connect with people and create community around shared values and passions. Through my yoga teaching and online experiences, I seek to connect yogis to support each other in building and sustaining their personal daily yoga, meditation and spiritual practices.