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How do You Wear Your Sexuality?

By Guru Kaur

How we wear our clothes expresses how comfortable we are with our own sexuality, that awareness of the ecstasy of being alive now, here, in every single cell of the body.

The radiance and grace of a woman totally in touch with her true sexuality has an extraordinarily electric effect on others. Her presence shines. Her sexuality pervades, like a fragrance, every movement she makes and every breath she takes. Her clothes magnify her mastery of her sexuality. They reflect her inner beauty through her expression of her own individuality and identity. She dresses for herself: she dresses for who she is and not what she does.

For some, becoming aware of their sexuality is too disturbing to contemplate: here is the death of the ego. At one end of the spectrum blatant sexuality appears as flagrant and tacky, revolving around physical stimulation, titillation, and temptation; and unacknowledged sexuality appears as a hollow emptiness of life at the other.

Some women delude themselves that they are sexy just because they are wearing tight and low cut clothes. They blatantly flaunt their bodies, not realizing that it is not only their flesh that they bare. They reveal how cheaply they value their sexuality. The greatest myth put forward by the fashion industry is that clothes make you sexy. Fashion publicity is designed to fuel your feelings of being inadequate as you are, and to make you believe that, by continually buying into its marketing spin, you might just achieve that dream state you are looking for. If only! In fact, the opposite is true; the last thing the fashion industry wants is for you to contact the real sexuality within you, because then you can no longer be seduced by its ads.

Others' clothes scream out, "I don't even acknowledge that I am a sexual being." They sink into thinking that they are comfortable dressing sloppily. Their bodies may be comfortable—but are they comfortable with themselves? Then there is the whole issue of uniforms, suits, and sportswear: wearing something because it gives a sense of belonging to someone else's world.

Gradually, if we are blessed, our awareness shifts: it begins to dawn on us that sexuality is purely something in and of our own body, and we long to experience the ecstasy of union with our own soul. We no longer desire to be sexy, approved of and wanted, or to be lifeless. We want more than that, and we realize that what we are looking for is within us, and has been within us all the time.

There we discover a life force that is sacred, our sexuality.

We change the way we dress. We know that to begin to project our inner elegance we need to dress with, and for, our own self-respect. We recognize that we are what we wear and that, if we want to acknowledge the divine gift of our vital existence, we need to dress accordingly. We embrace the body with clothes just as we adorn a temple with reverence.

In the Garden of Eden we were comfortable with our own nakedness, our vitality, and our sexuality. When we left that sacred space, the Bible tells us: "And the Lord God made Adam and his wife garments of skins, and put them on them." Our clothes are there to protect that most precious part of us, just as we keep our jewels in a case, or a treasured book in a cloth.

A woman in command of her sexuality brings her clothes to life. She knows that her clothes announce who she is. She therefore chooses them carefully, with attention to detail. Her projection is always consistent and constant, so her shopping is not impulsive, and her wardrobe, though versatile, does not contain many different personae. She is well prepared and suitably dressed for any eventuality just as she is. In fact, it is often difficult to remember exactly what she was wearing because she and her clothes' impact are so unified.

Her enjoyment of her sexuality sings from her every movement. Her awareness of her body in motion brings her indescribable gracefulness. She knows that she has an energy within her that needs her to be able to move, so her clothes do not restrict her. The fluidity of her clothing enhances her movement and hints at her body's contours beneath. Her sensuous nature encourages her to wear clothes in natural fabrics, beautifully made and well cut, and she doesn't dampen her energy with artificial fibres. (Pure cotton, silk, and wool act as a second skin to your body, allowing it to breathe as nature intended.)

Shawls and scarves drape around her body bringing her both mystery and protection. To a man she is the most divine incarnation of feminine beauty there is. She does not need to seduce because she has nothing to prove. She is her own ocean of relaxation; she has found a deep silence within. She is whole in her own being. She is attractive, and not necessarily available.

In the ancient Orient the most erotic women used their clothing to enhance their experience of their sexuality, and their lovers also reaped the rewards. Much romantic literature recounts how a lover would undress his beloved, garment by garment. The removal of swaths of fabric was an essential part of making love, an acknowledgment of returning to the garden called Paradise.

By changing what we wear and how we dress we can recover our sexuality, uncover our femininity, and discover our divinity. Each morning, what we choose to wear tells us, and others, about how we are feeling about ourselves today. Getting dressed with consciousness is a small step along the path of accepting how priceless sexuality is.

© Guru Kaur

Photo by Emily Stein

[This article was originally published in Aquarian Times, Summer 2002]

Guru Kaur founded the online course and community Be the Woman You were Born to Be in 2007 (www.be-the-woman.com). This continues daily to inspire women around the world no matter what challenges they face to develop as fulfilled and rounded women learning through the collective wisdom of an intimate global community and a highly insightful and practical 42 day course which can be taken at a pace to suit the individual.  Guru Kaur also teaches monthly Kundalini Yoga masterclasses in London. For more information please visit www.gurukaur.com